Trailblazin' Tanzania - The Russell Wilson Story

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  • I'm so pumped for this game that I figured I had to have some fun to erase some of the stress. For those thinking damn! That's some crazy homerdom right there, deal with it haha I had fun writing this and just wanted to share a peak into my Hawks-filled imagination. I'd put the whole thing in "sarcasm font" if I could, but that would be lame. Hope some people enjoy. GO HAWKS!!!

    The year is 2039. The place? Moshi, Tanzania. Population 206,728. Moshi is the 10th most populated city in Tanzania and is situated on the lower slopes of Mount Kilimanjaro, a dormant volcano and the tallest mountain in all of Africa. After a lengthy career of covering the Seahawks for a living, as the replacement to Tony Ventrella after his retirement, I finally raised the funds to open up the first ever Seattle Seahawks bar in Tanzania back in 2032! It's been a huge success! The bar's name "Kumi na mbili mtu" means "Twelfth Man" in the native tongue, Swahili.

    Natives had been clamoring for a Seahawks bar in Tanzania for decades after Seahawks QB Russell Wilson brought the city of Seattle it's first Super Bowl in the 2012-13 season. After uttering "I'm going to Disneyland" and his famed "Go Hawks!", Wilson then smiled and said "This one's for Tanzania!" Word caught on all the way from Dar es "Rashaan" Salaam to Zanzibar that the people of Tanzania finally had a Super Bowl MVP.

    Wilson, of course, went on to win 14 more Super Bowl's and Super Bowl MVP's, although he donated most of his rings and MVP trophies to retired teammates, family members, and notable Seahawks draft busts during the era despite pleas from the 12th Man to hire retired QB Colin Kaepernick, formerly of the rival San Francisco 49ers, to hold his other 5 rings during public appearances. In typical fashion, Wilson said that he "hoped Kaepernick found peace and happiness after the years of abuse he took from the Seahawks and the 12th Man." He also finished his career with every single passing record of all-time, except for All-Time Interceptions and Times Sacked, both lists where is a noticeable absentee.

    Many were shocked that Wilson didn't go for one of the greatest records of all. Most seasons played. When he retired last year, he said that he had too much respect for what George Blanda had done for the game for him to attempt to outlast his record. He then chimed in that "playing til I'm 50 was good enough for me, Go Hawks!" Wilson's 26 years with the Seahawks is the longest such run in modern sports history, let alone the NFL, leading the Brits to call him "The Sir Alex Ferguson of Seattle."

    I'm writing this memoire today, to be sent back to the future by a new time machine created by Russell Wilson, to tell you about today's great event. Russell Wilson is here, in Tanzania, at Kumi na mbili mtu, for the unveiling of the golden statue that the locals have erected for him. The solid gold statue is life-like in size and weighs one whole ton. It took 12 years to complete. Wilson, the man that he is, agreed to come to Tanzania for this preseason's opener in order to raise the ceremonial 12th Man Flag that sits atop the bar. He did not sleep once on his flight over, instead, he studied the history of Tanzania and the Rosetta-Stone Swahili edition. He had mastered the language after the 19 hour flight from Sea-Tac. This is what he said to the people.

    "Hakuna muda wa kulala. Sisi wote tulipata sisi wote tunahitaji. Mtu wa kumi na mbili na Seattle Seahawks upendo Tanzania. Nenda Hawks!"

    Which of course in English means:

    "There is no time to sleep. We all we got we all we need. The Twelfth Man and the Seattle Seahawks love Tanzania. Go Hawks!"

    Now, let's get back to reality!

    Trail-Blaz-er... Merriam-Webster defines it as "a person who makes a new track through wild country" or "a pioneer; an innovator." Synonyms include pioneer - pathfinder. You could also add a basketball team hailing from the Pacific Northwest region. Ironically, there's a new trailblazer in the Pacific Northwest, and his name is Russell Wilson and damn Damon Stoudamire and the rest of the infamous "Jail Blazers" squads could have used him for a role model! If you looked in the dictionary in 2039, after Russell Wilson's 26 year career is over, you'll probably see his face next to the word trailblazer.

    He's seemingly erased years of suffering from the minds of 12th Men and Women everywhere and replaced it with a feeling of hope and pride. He's made it so that a 5'10 Quarterback (funny how after the draft everyone wanted to scramble to give him inches, now it makes for a better story if he's even shorter) coming out of high school doesn't have to abandon his dreams of being a professional quarterback. Fittingly, he can try and become the next Russell Wilson. The question marks surrounding Johnny Manziel's stature and whether he can succeed in the NFL now suddenly start to go away.

    Russell Wilson is to undersized quarterbacks what Jackie Robinson was to African-American baseball players back in the day. Obviously, the context and magnitude of Robinson's achievements are much more impressive and historically important, no matter what Wilson achieves. However, in terms of breaking down barriers for those that follow behind you, they are one in the same.

    I've sat in amazement over Wilson for the past few weeks as he's continued to progress at lightyear speed and my brain can hardly register it. As Seahawks fans, we're not used to this kind of success. This kind of instant gratification. Well get used to it 12's, because with #3 at the helm this team is going to be an amazing team with legitimate Championship aspirations every damn year for over a decade. You can just feel it.

    I could hardly care if this comes across as huge homerdom. I hope it does. Russell Wilson is giving us reason after reason to be a homer. It's fun watching him play, it's incredible to see how he handles himself, and it's amazing to see how he handles real life and other people. He's a genuine role model not just for kids, but for human beings everywhere. All the people who complain about modern athletes need take one look at Russell Wilson to realize that they're not all the same and that some of them are real, good people. He's honestly the first athlete I can think of, that when faced with a tough real life situation a few weeks ago I thought... "What Would Russell Do?" Shit, it helped! It made me work hard and keep focused on what was at stake. And I've never met the guy!

    With Russell, we know what we get. Hard work, consistency, improvement, leadership, poise. You get so much from this guy out on the field and off the field. No moping around like Eli (yeah, 2 rings, whatever), disinterest like Cutler, throwing teammates under the bus like Brady, none of that. That's honestly part of what's making it so fun to watch this guy succeed. There ought to be a meme going around by now that shows a picture of Wilson and then says "Sends dick pics... to his wife."

    And hey, not to say everybody's got to be a saint out there. After all, Saints are being falsely accused of being sinners now anyways. Wouldn't want that. We've got our Marshawn's, Leroy Hill's, and we love them too. But just once, finally once! We have our "Face of the Franchise." A genuinely elite player who makes a fan out of everybody. The only people who will be able to dislike him are the ignorant and the miserable. Sure, his enemies will always hate him, but they'll always respect him and what he can do to beat you.

    Trust me, I know what you're feeling right now. You're head and your heart are at war right now. Your heart is telling you to believe that Russell Wilson and the Seahawks can overcome any obstacle yet your head is telling you to remember all the times you've imagined success for the Seahawks only to see it come up short in a blaze of agony. Don't worry, you can believe in Russell Wilson! It's what Russell Wilson would do.

    Tunes from the Jukebox: I Guess it rains down in Africa? Had a solid rotation of "3030" by Deltron 3030 and "Toto" by Africa playing for this one.

    Discuss. Does Russell Wilson go down as the greatest human being in the history of life? In the words of Mike Leach... "well, that's a stupid question."
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  • Well done as usual. Enjoyed it.
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