Vindication for what we all knew to be true(Meyers/Ryan)

http://www.sportsonearth.com/article/66008790/

To begin a sentence with, "The problem with being down 14 points ..." sets the rest of the sentence up for failure. And, perhaps my favorite: "I'll tell ya, Seattle's gotta keep 'em out of the end zone in terms of a touchdown here." No, in terms of bunnies. Seattle has to keep them out of the end zone in terms of bunnies. OF COURSE IN TERMS OF A TOUCHDOWN THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU GET INTO THE END ZONE DEAR GOD TIM RYAN.

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:stupid:

Oh man,

I cracked up reading this thing at work. Some of the things that he listed that they actually said, like this:

Mike Tirico/Jon Gruden (ESPN): 38

ESPN crews have a historically tough time balancing a vague mandate for general entertainment with calling an actual football game. Gruden, with his 29 infractions, can't find the sweet spot between impersonating a caricature of a football coach and being a real person. Surprisingly, I counted only one "this guy" over two games. He still leans a bit heavy on "this kid," though, with seven such utterances.

Some other Gruden quirks: He refers to third-down stops as "get-offs," which sounds vaguely sexual. Here's a deranged thing Gruden said:


"People forget Luck didn't come into a great situation. He had to succeed a guy named Picket Manning. His coach had leukemia. But he went 11-5 and threw for 4,500 yards anyways. How do you top that?"

Yes, he actually called Peyton Manning "Picket" (I'll ignore the bit about on-field accomplishments somehow mitigating his coach's cancer). Another real thing Gruden said:


"The one thing I like about Toler and these Indianapolis corners, they are going to come right back the next down. They have no conscience."

I don't think Gruden knows what a conscience is, which has troubling implications. He also makes up Olympic events:


"I think this guy can be an Olympian acrobat."

He makes terrible puns which come off as disjointed ramblings:


"My old quarterback was Gannon. This is Glennon, he has a cannon."

And my favorite Gruden backhanded compliment of all time:


"Glennon has some surprising functional movement skills."

Still better than Madden. Gruden may take liberties with the English language but he's enthusiastic and I find him entertaining. Unlike Madden's moronic utterances like: "You know, if you score more points than the other guys, you win!"

[youtube]JKkpyRo4n0o[/youtube]

The most infuriating thing about commentators in general in the NFL is how far they will go to voice agreement with any god-awful, totally cheap, and worthless call any official makes (other than replacement refs). I mean, they really take pains to lick the nether regions of official's groins.

Hey, good timing.

http://www.sportsonearth.com/article/66008790/

Mayock being that low is not a surprise. Who knew Joe Buck would be on the low end?

sc85sis":10ckaidp said:

Mayock being that low is not a surprise. Who knew Joe Buck would be on the low end?

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Well, it's hard to assign a discrete numbers to stuff like "being utterly boring" and "calling an entire game using only three phrases". Buck would be right up there with Myers in that event.

Mayock at the bottom of the infractions list for color commentators is exactly where I would've expected him. Dude's simply the best. "Get off me!"

Is 'right in the honey hole!' a cliche? Or 'spider 2 Y banana'?

If you rank by cliches' Tim Ryan would definitely be among the worst.

If you rank by football knowledge, he'd be the best.

This is a silly list that misses the point. Filling time on live television is hard, if it was me up there I'd just hope to get through a whole broadcast without stuttering like Porky pig. This list weighs everything that doesn't matter while ignoring the things that do matter. Gus Johnson's energy and the fun he brings to the game, stuff like that, there's no way of scoring it.

This list has Brian Billick as one of the very best color commentators. At least they got Dan Dierdorf right, but that's basically hitting the broad side of a barn.

Of course, any list that takes something so subjective and then breaks it down into parts is going to reach a flawed destination. Just like all the people who still think Andrew Luck is a better QB than Russell Wilson due to "sum of the parts" logic.

I think the list is fine. The only real 'bad' metric here is the factual errors stat. Everything else is fair game and inevitable, just in varying degrees.

The only reason Buck is so 'low' is because he's as dry and boring as they come (which is why he's so great at baseball.)

This list makes about as much sense to me as QBR, personally. I agree with them on Dierdorf, Collinsworth and Mayock, and that's pretty much it. His top five includes Brian Billick and HEATH EVANS. His bottom five includes Tim Ryan and John Gruden. His top five announcers are even worse, with Kenny Albert being the only one I am even tempted to defend. "Olindo Ma-re" guy Dick Stockton made his top five.

I think this list started off as a great idea for comedy, until the compiler started taking his findings a little too seriously in his writeup. This list would be a little better if called the "most/least professional" announcing crews instead of "best/worst."

rightbench":34xta9op said:

"My old quarterback was Gannon. This is Glennon, he has a cannon."

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Gruden got lyrics!

I really like Gruden, and he's easily the most vocal announcer AGAINST Ticky tack flags out there.

I hope FOX gets Matt Hasselbeck once he begins announcing. It'd suck to have him stuck calling AFC teams. He's going to be one of the best in the business.

This is a much tougher job than people are prepared to recognise.

Cliche's, off topic chatter and other stuff like that is what anyone would do in the circumstances. You're talking for 3-4 hours, sometimes during a very boring game.

I think overall both Fox and CBS have some very good announcers. They aren't the problem. It's the expert sidekick. I quite like Ryan, Gruden, Mayock and a few others. It's guys like Brian Billick who talk absolute complete bollocks. His performance calling the Falcons playoff game last year was embarrassing.

jkitsune":893sotcu said:

I really like Gruden, and he's easily the most vocal announcer AGAINST Ticky tack flags out there.

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Yeah that's one thing that I really like about the MNF crew, they are very critical of officiating and quite intently too. Bringing out the former head official to review a questionable call in the booth with them.

MontanaHawk05":1hbqnj6l said:

I hope FOX gets Matt Hasselbeck once he begins announcing. It'd suck to have him stuck calling AFC teams. He's going to be one of the best in the business.

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It may be unprofessional because of Seahawks bias but how awesome would it be to see:

Matt Hasselbeck and Michael Robinson as announcers working together.

My first choice for M-Rob was Mack Strong but M-Rob is more personable in my opinion, he's a hard guy to hate.

But its not like it will be all Seahawks centric, Hass is an East Coast guy, who grew up a Patriots fan, went to school at BC, played for Packers, Colts, and Titans along with the Seahawks.

M-Rob grew up East Coast as well, in Virginia, college at Penn St., drafted by San Fran and picked up by the Seahawks in 2010.

But definitely would be the 12's version of Young/Dickfer show we have to put up with on occasion.

Anybody with Twitter, needs to tell both players to get together and make this happen. I can definitely see both make a career out it and eventually forge a prime time gig.

I don't care how much you analyze or assign infractions. I'd rather listen to Gruden for 24 hours straight than Buck for 2 minutes.