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Happy Father's Day!!--Encouragement, Reflection, & Challenge

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  • I hadn’t seen anyone else saying so … so I thought I would take the opportunity to take a moment to say HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all of you guys out there. Allow me for a moment to stick my counselor hat on for a second (as that’s what I did for many years) and offer a few words to you guys out there – to reflect on and both encourage and challenge you this Father’s Day …

    Father’s Day (I believe) is a very polarizing holiday for many (and with good reason). For some, it’s a day of celebration and of remembrance of happy times growing up. For others though, it’s a day – the very idea – the mere mention of the word “Father” should be avoided at all costs. Recently, I listened to a podcast of our own Steve Largent who talked about his home life and the struggles he had with both his father and stepfather. Largent grew up in a broken home that was marred by alcoholism and domestic strife. Neither his dad nor his Stepfather were ever a father to him. BUT – that didn’t mean that he didn’t have one. His coaches were the men who in his life who came alongside him and taught him how to be a man. They were the real father figures in his life. What an important message for all us guys out there (regardless if you are a “father” or not).

    The importance of having positive male role models in a young person’s life … and being a father cannot be understated. If you doubt the importance of fathers, check out some of these statistics …
    https://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/

    To all the dads out there, I would say don’t be like Largent’s father. Too often times, I think we as adults tend to treat our kids as an inconvenient burden. Realize that your children – your kids are a unique gift that live with you but a short time. Those water color ponies that hang on the refrigerator door will one day ride away – much sooner than you think. Love your kids. Invest in them. Spend time with them. Teach them and care for them. Never love your house, your yard, your job, or anything else more than your kids. I will guarantee you this -- if you aren’t raising your kids – someone (or something) else is. Don’t abdicate your responsibility and take for granted the privilege that children are.

    Maybe that’s you I’m describing though … and you realize that you’ve messed up in the past. You’re secretly carrying around a lot of guilt, a lot of regrets, about what you may have done (or not done) … and the kind of father that you were to your kids. Well guess what? As long as you’re still breathing, it’s not too late. Go be reconciled to your kids. Make amends and decide today that you are going to be a Dad to your kids (or your grand-kids) – even if they’re all grown up and long gone. You can still have an amazing positive impact in their lives … AND/OR in the lives of other young people in your community. You can be a Dad to that youngster next door … or in your church … or the basketball team that you coach … who may not truly have one.

    And for those of you out there who aren’t fathers and don’t have kids of your own – realize that doesn’t mean you can’t still be a father. You too can still be a dad to some youngster out there. Steve Largent said his coaches were the real father figures and the ones who were really impactful in his own life.
    ”Papa Joe” Bradford, a man whose true life story was chronicled in the recent movie Unconditional, has been a “Dad” to many inner city kids in Nashville’s project neighborhoods. You too can be a Dad, just by loving some young person out there (who may not get that kind of attention otherwise) by caring enough spend time with them or just by there to be a listening ear. It seems so simple and seemingly insignificant to us as adults. How can talking to or just listening to a young person be important? For those who think that way, let me just say that I’ve counseled many young people over the years and I can tell you – that kind of attention is more important than you know.

    So for all you guys out there, take time today to be a Dad to all the youngsters in your life … and to tell all the Dads in your life just how much you care and appreciate them. Happy Father’s Day all!

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  • I'm so proud to be a "dad" to this young lady.
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    I have no idea what I may have done to contribute to her being a wonderful human being but she is one.

    I count my blessings every day that she respects me in spite of my many shortcomings.

    I concur, HAPPY FATHERS DAY, my only hope here is, that ALL the fathers would understand the responsibility and appreciate the honor of being a father.
    I think it's something that our society has lost track of.

    I, for a very long time, dreamt of being able to impact society in a positive way. Took many years to realize that being a "father" was one of the easiest and most natural ways to accomplish my goal.

    Many of us had no father. If that's the situation you are in, like I was, you have the ability to break the curse. It ain't easy but the opportunity is there. Step up.

    Happy Father's Day to all the "Dads"
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  • Great words....sometimes just mentoring a youngster may help him change his ways to a positive atmosphere. Be a positive.
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  • Hope folks out there had a good Father's Day. Here's to wishing you guys all choose to be the best Dads you can be ... each and every day because unlike the Seahawks, there is no offseason. Never forget -- the kind of Dad you ultimately choose to be to the young people in your life is in the end far more impactful, long lasting, and of greater worth than any championship could ever be.
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  • [quote="pmedic920"]I'm so proud to be a "dad" to this young lady.
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    I have no idea what I may have done to contribute to her being a wonderful human being but she is one.

    If you're anything like your posts, and I bet you are, the reasons are pretty obvious to me.
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  • Great post, Hawkscannner!

    Father's Day is actually in September in Australia. I've been married for 34 years, and our son is 31, and daughter 27. Always had a fantastic relationship with Jess (she's a registered nurse in the Oncology Dept in the children's Hospital here), but our relationship with Christopher has been strained many times since he turned 18 and went off the rails. He's on parole after three terms in jail for a string of offences, mostly because of ice-induced behaviour, and he's now HIV-positive from shared needles. He's a welder, and damned good at it, but never keeps a job for long. He has a 11 year old son, but our grandson's mother is long split from him.

    WHEN he's been "available", Christopher has been a remarkably good father, but he keeps going back to the goddamned ice. He's simply not (as a person) the someone he is normally, when he's on that crap, and it has ranged from tragic to terrifying for us, with property damage, theft and the threat of violence.
    Last edited by Aussie Seahawk on Fri Jun 23, 2017 3:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
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  • Aussie Seahawk wrote:Great post, Hawkscannner!

    Father's Day is actually in September in Australia. I've been married for 34 years, and our son is 31, and daughter 27. Always had a fantastic relationship with Jess (she's a registered nurse in the Oncology Dept in the children's Hospital here, but our relationship with Christopher has been strained many times since he turned 18 and went off the rails. He's on parole after three terms in jail for a string of offences, mostly because of ice-induced behaviour, and he's now HIV-positive from shared needles. He's a welder, and damned good at it, but never keeps a job for long. He has a 11 year old son, but our grandson's mother is long split from him.

    WHEN he's been "available", Christopher has been a remarkably good father, but he keeps going back to the goddamned ice. He's simply not (as a person) the someone he is normally, when he's on that crap, and it has ranged from tragic to terrifying for us, with property damage, theft and the threat of violence.


    Thanks for having the courage to share. I've had some clients in the past who were serious Meth users. I also have a relative who's a Meth user and HIV positive as well. Meth is unbelievably destructive stuff and its effects are felt by pretty much everyone connected to the addict. All of the behaviors that you listed are unfortunately par for the course with that junk. I can't imagine what you and your family have gone through and the level of perpetual pain, sorrow, and disappointment you carry with you. I know that this will be of little comfort, but one thing I will say to you is that what's happened with your son is not your fault. Yes, we as parents have great influence over their lives when they're young. BUT ... at some point, children become responsible for the choices they choose to make in life and the consequences they ultimately reap. That said, what's past is past. What happened in the past cannot be changed -- no matter how hard we scream, cry, or how much stuff we smash and destroy in anger. In the end, the only thing we have control over ... and can change ... is the present and how we choose to respond moving forward. I pray that you will choose (each and every day) to be the best father and grandfather you can be. Thanks again for sharing and see you around the forum.
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  • Modern day dads rock, let's just get that out of the way.

    We may not be the Greatest Generation, but IMO we are the greatest dad generation. What other period throughout history have dads been so wholly and completely involved in their children's lives?

    We bring home the bacon, cook it up in the pan, help out with chores, coach, chauffeur kids around, never miss a dance recital or school play, wake up with our babies, change diapers...............we do our best to do it all.

    So to all the dads at .Net, you guys kick ass and I hope your families appreciate it.
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  • Sgt. Largent wrote:Modern day dads rock, let's just get that out of the way.

    We may not be the Greatest Generation, but IMO we are the greatest dad generation. What other period throughout history have dads been so wholly and completely involved in their children's lives?

    We bring home the bacon, cook it up in the pan, help out with chores, coach, chauffeur kids around, never miss a dance recital or school play, wake up with our babies, change diapers...............we do our best to do it all.

    So to all the dads at .Net, you guys kick ass and I hope your families appreciate it.


    That just so deserves one of these. Completely agreed Sgt. Largent!! Let's give it up Beast Quake Style for the Greatest Generation of Dads!! ...
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  • Guys in touch with their feminine side are all well an good as the Millennials have embraced duel roles, but my hats off to the Dads that are not living with their kids, that pay child support and fight being able to live in a decent place to have visitations and make it to the Birthday parties, graduations, sporting events, and send cards and get presents even when they are shunned by the ex wife and the tales told about them, all the while waiting things out for the kids to mature and see things for themselves and form their own opinions.

    Those dads earn my respect because they do it because they are real men and really are dedicated to making a difference in their kids lives making themselves available yet seldom called upon till a later age in their kids lives.
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  • chris98251 wrote:Guys in touch with their feminine side are all well an good as the Millennials have embraced duel roles, but my hats off to the Dads that are not living with their kids, that pay child support and fight being able to live in a decent place to have visitations and make it to the Birthday parties, graduations, sporting events, and send cards and get presents even when they are shunned by the ex wife and the tales told about them, all the while waiting things out for the kids to mature and see things for themselves and form their own opinions.

    Those dads earn my respect because they do it because they are real men and really are dedicated to making a difference in their kids lives making themselves available yet seldom called upon till a later age in their kids lives.


    Definitely agree about the dad's who can't live with their kids yet still are involved and help out financially.

    But Millennials in touch with their feminine side? Nope. I'm in my late 40's and I don't regret for one minute all the diaper changing I did, all the dance recitals I skipped work to attend, all the days I took off to go to Dr. appointments and stay home sick with my kids.

    It's all created a great relationship with both my older kids. That's not feminine, that's being a father.
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  • ^^^^^^

    Yea, I'm not sure how taking care of your kids translates to a guy's feminine side.

    Reminds me of the commercial where the WWE guy is playing "tea cup" with his daughter.
    Feminine?
    Holy shit, that's the stuff "real men" do.

    GoDads

    No telling how many bows I put in my daughters hair for Cheer & Gymnastics competitions, or how many "sleepovers" I hosted.
    Did it all with pride and conviction. If that makes me feminine, or exposed my "feminine side", so be it, to Hell with being macho.
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  • Says the Millennials and Gen Xers, it's fine the kids benefit, I can understand not wanting to be associated with femininity, but it's easier to see when your from a Generation removed. I look at it as part of the Sgt Largent's Decline of Civilization Thread, Kids benefit from having a more balanced family in many aspects but lack the Stability of a home environment with Day Care, Latch Key, and split schedules that many not all do. Meals together, Vacations annually as a family, yeah I know a historical word for many these days. The progress in some areas has lost many things in others.
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  • chris98251 wrote:Says the Millennials and Gen Xers, it's fine the kids benefit, I can understand not wanting to be associated with femininity, but it's easier to see when your from a Generation removed. I look at it as part of the Sgt Largent's Decline of Civilization Thread, Kids benefit from having a more balanced family in many aspects but lack the Stability of a home environment with Day Care, Latch Key, and split schedules that many not all do. Meals together, Vacations annually as a family, yeah I know a historical word for many these days. The progress in some areas has lost many things in others.


    But did that Leave it to Beaver old fashioned family dynamic of defined gender roles as parents ever really exist?

    Cause I don't know one family growing up where it did. Dad's worked themselves into an early grave trying to support the family, meanwhile never being more than the bad cop in charge of punishment or the occasional baseball catch if he felt like it.

    IMO it's much better now with sharing responsibilities and hopefully not being so hyper focused on careers and getting to spend more time with your kids.
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  • Sgt. Largent wrote:
    chris98251 wrote:Says the Millennials and Gen Xers, it's fine the kids benefit, I can understand not wanting to be associated with femininity, but it's easier to see when your from a Generation removed. I look at it as part of the Sgt Largent's Decline of Civilization Thread, Kids benefit from having a more balanced family in many aspects but lack the Stability of a home environment with Day Care, Latch Key, and split schedules that many not all do. Meals together, Vacations annually as a family, yeah I know a historical word for many these days. The progress in some areas has lost many things in others.


    But did that Leave it to Beaver old fashioned family dynamic of defined gender roles as parents ever really exist?

    Cause I don't know one family growing up where it did. Dad's worked themselves into an early grave trying to support the family, meanwhile never being more than the bad cop in charge of punishment or the occasional baseball catch if he felt like it.

    IMO it's much better now with sharing responsibilities and hopefully not being so hyper focused on careers and getting to spend more time with your kids.



    Growing up it was the abnormal not to have the moms at home, everyone but one friend I had dad worked, moms at home during the day, always going from one place to another and the moms fixing lunch for us or taking us swimming or something in the summer and winter time if you were there at dinner time play9ing or doing something the dad would come home and either asked to stay for dinner or politely asked to go home since it was family dinner time. So yes the traditional role models existed, why they were called traditional role models.
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  • LOL! Never in my wildest dreams did I think that when I posted this thread back on Father's Day that it would still be going ... NOR that it would take the turn that it has. It's great though. I believe I have a unique perspective on the conversation here. Being 46 years old now I'm a Gen X'er ... but in a lot of ways, I would say that I have a lot of old school values. My father grew up during the Great Depression and WWII ... so inevitably, he ended up exposing me to a lot of the stuff that he grew up with. I listened to many Old Time Radio shows ... watched a lot of the old time movies and TV (Laurel and Hardy, Abbot and Costello, The Lone Ranger, Sgt. Preston, etc.) ... listened to a lot of 50's and 60's music -- and yes, watched Leave it to Beaver, Father Knows Best, My Three Sons, as well as all the shows, music, stuff, etc. that was popular during the 70s, 80s, etc. Both of my parents instilled in me Depression Era and 50s Era values I would say.

    Growing up, my Dad was the sole bread winner of the family ... while my mom was a stay at home mom for much of the time while I and my sister were young. It wasn't a situation where my dad "made my mom stay home" because he was the man of the house, his word was law, and what he said goes. Not at all. Far from it. My parents just both recognized the importance of having a full time parent at home. Like I said earlier, if you're not raising your kids ... someone else is. My parents both knew that to be true, so my mom made the decision to stay home with us kids because she wanted to. She ended up going back to work (she worked as a nurse) when I got into high school for a few hours a week -- simply because we as a family needed the money. That's a little bit of my background -- just to give you guys some context on where I came from.

    Fast forward to today ... I would say that I very much resemble the kind of dad that both Sgt. Largent and pmedic are describing. That is exactly the kind of dad that I am. I've changed and continue to change many diapers, wash a lot of dishes, help out with the laundry, put the kids to sleep -- while at the same time mowing the lawn, taking care of the cars, etc. I read a LOT of books to my kids, play games and sports with them, and take them on outings. So yeah, I would call myself a modern day dad in a lot of ways.

    So, I hear what Chris98251 is saying and agree in a lot of ways. There are a lot of problems today with the Day Care raised families (though I totally understand and get the reasons why). I've worked with a lot of Latch Key Kids throughout the years. And NO, he's totally right in saying that it never used to be that way. During the 40s, 50s, and early 60s, it WAS the norm for a lot of moms to be stay at home moms. That DID end up creating a lot of stability for kids -- and I would argue firmly that kids NEED that. Kids need their parents to be there for them. If they aren't -- if no one is there for them -- the consequences are devastating.

    That said, there most certainly WERE issues as well. Though I'd say there were some Leave it to Beaver Families out there ... not all dads were Ward Cleaver. There was a lot of domestic abuse and moms sneaking sips of cooking sherry behind closed doors. It's funny -- I've found over the years that our memories of things aren't always accurate as to the way things actually were. I've experienced that to be true both as a teacher and as a counselor. I've taken notes on meetings that I've had or classes that I've taught ... that I've video recorded. It's quite an exercise to go back and look at your notes on what you thought happened ... and then watch the tape on what actually DID happen. So, our remembrances aren't always 100% accurate regarding the way things actually were.

    In a lot of ways, I see things as being both better ... and worse than yesteryear. Many women (I would say) WERE exploited/taken advantage of and basically being told that they HAD to stay home. That resentment created in a lot of women the strong desire to get a job and form a career of their own -- just to give themselves a feeling of independence and an identity all of their own. Women having a lot more social freedom that yesteryear I would say IS a good thing in a lot of ways.

    The consequence though as I see it ... is that where once working outside the home was at one time merely an option for many women ... the economy as a whole has now adjusted and become dependent upon 2 incomes. It is very hard for many Americans to make it on 1 income alone. My wife and I are in that boat. My wife has always, always, always wanted to be a stay at home mom ... but has been unable to, as we simply need the money. I (in turn) have always felt a bit guilty that I've been unable to support our family on my salary alone. Hopefully things will be changing with that in the near future, as we as a family are putting forth great efforts towards trying to become a single income family.

    So, there you go. Just thought I'd chime in on the conversation -- to lift the lid and let you guys have a peek in on things with me and my family, so to speak.
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  • chris98251 wrote:
    Sgt. Largent wrote:
    chris98251 wrote:Says the Millennials and Gen Xers, it's fine the kids benefit, I can understand not wanting to be associated with femininity, but it's easier to see when your from a Generation removed. I look at it as part of the Sgt Largent's Decline of Civilization Thread, Kids benefit from having a more balanced family in many aspects but lack the Stability of a home environment with Day Care, Latch Key, and split schedules that many not all do. Meals together, Vacations annually as a family, yeah I know a historical word for many these days. The progress in some areas has lost many things in others.


    But did that Leave it to Beaver old fashioned family dynamic of defined gender roles as parents ever really exist?

    Cause I don't know one family growing up where it did. Dad's worked themselves into an early grave trying to support the family, meanwhile never being more than the bad cop in charge of punishment or the occasional baseball catch if he felt like it.

    IMO it's much better now with sharing responsibilities and hopefully not being so hyper focused on careers and getting to spend more time with your kids.



    Growing up it was the abnormal not to have the moms at home, everyone but one friend I had dad worked, moms at home during the day, always going from one place to another and the moms fixing lunch for us or taking us swimming or something in the summer and winter time if you were there at dinner time play9ing or doing something the dad would come home and either asked to stay for dinner or politely asked to go home since it was family dinner time. So yes the traditional role models existed, why they were called traditional role models.


    Right, great for mom. But was that good for the kids, and more importantly the dad?

    Cause my dad was as you described, and we didn't exactly have the closest relationship growing up, or when I became an adult.

    If I had to point to one reason why I have a great relationship with my kids as they enter adulthood..........it's exactly because I did all the things I described in my first post on this thread. IMO all our dads missed out on what mattered most in life.
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  • Well the mentality is different, Men coming from being raised post WWII were taught to not show softer sides, be disciplinarians and Authority figures in the households and not show vulnerability. You can still do a lot of that, but using different methods and a softer side and not only being a parent but develop a friendship as well these days can be done. That's the evolving part of our society I think that is better. Ya the take you to the woodshed still holds true in some instances, but it's not the catch all that was used before in many households.
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  • Great posts on this topic; much to think about.

    Cheers to all fathers, anyway. AND mothers, too.
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