These two douchebags decide to come harass my mom every other month or so and give a list of grievances verbally and dress her down to the point where she's shaking and crying. I wasn't aware of this. I have now moved in with her, and the two douches decided to show up about 10 minutes after I left (odd timing huh? The retired guys leave right after the guy that's 6'1" 225 and carries a massive cane and looks like evil leaves for the day).
Apparently they decided to just go off on her about this, that, and the other. Mostly it was about her not shoveling her driveway last week (she's had 5 back surgeries to my 4) and she's 71 and drove back and slid a bit and bumped a tree and broke two small branches at the base. They were tiny and not even totally broken. Just cracked, and it's a fir tree for hell's sake. They SAW her do it and didn't offer to come help. Instead they spied on her and took notes.
So I got home and heard that my sister started talking to them and she said, "You guys need to leave. We're done here." They didn't leave. She walks away in disgust and one says to her, "Yeah, that's right... you BETTER walk away honey."
I find out. I get home. I get really worked up when I hear of this and tell my mom to tell me where the main guy lives, because I'm going to go smash his skull in. She won't tell me where his house is... so I go outside and start yelling at houses, "HEY HOA!!! GET OUT HERE. GET YOUR REPORT AND GET OUT HERE!!! NOW. TIME TO TALK OLD MEN WITH NOTHING TO DO. GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW. TIME TO TALK TO ME MAN TO MAN. HURRY IT UP HOA NAZIS. I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE WAITING. HURRY IT UP GENTS! I'M GETTING BORED. GET. OUT. HERE. NOW."
The whole neighborhood goes dead silent as I'm standing in the snow in the street yelling. It was epic. I felt like I should be in a movie, because I was so ready to throw down on these guys. She says they are "old", but apparently they are both like maybe late 40's and just hang out at home all day and spy on people. So I know they are watching me and I'm calling these a-holes out, and they hide in their houses. They know every movement of my mom's 4 pound dog, but both pretend they don't hear me. I yell at them I'll be talking to them REAL soon.
I walk inside the house and call the cops. I tell him the story. He gets super pissed. I mean royally. He gets their names, numbers, and info and says "They are charged with trespassing since your sister asked them to leave and they refused. I'll make phone contact with both now, I'll contact a judge, we'll get a non-contact order, and we'll charge them with criminal trespass. If they come onto your property, call me and I'll come and handcuff them and take them both away to jail. I'm dead serious.
I was blown away by this officer. He was so cool. So they've both been charged and word is spreading through the community like wildfire that I went into the street and called these Nazi assclowns out. Everybody was calling my mom asking what's up. She goes, "Honey, I think you made things worse! They're going to fine me." I said, "Nope. These guys are going to jail if they EVER talk to my mother again. Sorry mom. But I love you and I will die for you, even if it means I do it beating the holy hell out of two dried up old losers who have nothing better to do than spy on you. They are creepy and I am doing EXACTLY what Dad would have done, and that's why you married him. Now everybody will realize they can press charges on Hitler and Himler and they will go to jail if they mess with us. If they step on our property, I'll kick the crap out of them. The officer said that if they are warned to leave our property and don't, that I am justified in calling 911 and then using force to remove them. So we're good. Life's gonna get a whole lot better."
I felt good. Screw the HOA nazis. Anybody have a good story about screwing up an HOA and taking down the bored clowns who run one and think they are God? I will enroll in law school tomorrow just so I can sue the crap out of this association in 3 years. I'm that set on finishing these clowns off. I am sitting here like a mongoose just jumping around in anticipation like I did in high school hoping one of them dares to step on our property tonight. I've been sitting by the front window all day watching ready to pounce and beat one down hard. It's an awesome feeling to take control and help my mom. She's been stepped on by these dicks for 7 years, and hasn't told me. Now Jonny found out, and things about to get ugly up here. Muahahahaha. The great part? The officer is coming up to serve them with the order in person and I'm going to stand in the street and let the snow fall down and make me look even more like Satan himself and laugh! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Bastards.
The moral of the story? Love your mother and take care of her. It's the right thing to do. Even if it is just a whole lot of fun for you.