I can't watch football anymore. I love the Seahawks. But....

Twisted":iz5svtc1 said:

SharkHawk":iz5svtc1 said:

No, walking away isn't impossible. I've walked away from several "addictions" to keep my family intact. It's hanging by a thread as it is. This is the last one I had to kick. I used to play softball for about 5 teams. Let it ruin a lot of important stuff. I walked away from my one true calling in life... an elementary school teaching job that I'd had for 10 years, because it was threatening my family. Baseball and basketball consumed me. Now I don't watch either. Football was the last on my list. The one I thought I could hold onto and still have balance in my life. Unfortunately, my actions today and my REACTIONS (such as my BP hitting 185/120) show that I can't take it in "moderation". I am a football addict like some are crack addicts. It hurts my family. I have to quit. Just like I did with my ridiculous softball habit and every other stupid thing I've done. Football has to go. My kids are small and need me here longer than that and they should NEVER have to see such a thing from me. Not ever. I've humiliated my family enough through my actions. I owe them this.

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meh, nothing wrong with learning about passion at an early age... everyone has to have something

may I suggest next year a cage type set up, your wife locks you in the cage with just a big screen covered with bullet proof glass and all your food and drinks come in plastic containers, finger food only no sharp utensils, no remotes, I also suggest she locks you in buck nekkid in case you get an urge to do something awful with a pant leg or some other article of clothing...

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I've done this...sort've. We use to have epic parties for the big fights and big games. I mean, like 200-300 people. With that many people, you're going to get some idiots. I would grab my cooler and my chair and find the best viewing angle of the best TV. I would then take duct tape and on the floor, make a square about 5'x5' surrounding my area. That was the off limits area to anyone uninvited into my squared circle. I'm sure lives were saved.

Scottemojo":hai61mlz said:

Shark, you posted something the other day about your mom's HOA. I am not there, I don't know what your life is like, but your anger doesn't seem tied directly to the Hawks. Your anger is YOUR anger, and getting rid of your football team is treating a symptom, not treating the real issue. If you don't fix the inner issue, it will be something else next time.

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Scotte's got it nailed here, Shark. Hope things get better.

Too many posts to go through, but you've been given some great advice here. Especially the anger management stuff. Someome may have said this already, but let me offer you this advice (coming from a guy with two kids that had to deal with an UGLY divorce). Let it go sooner than later. Kids are resiliant and they also love you. They don't want their daddy to hurt. They hurt when you hurt...and vice versa. Explain the situation, then let it go asap. Take them for an ice cream, smile and get happy. Then do some soul searching independant of them.

SharkHawk":oy566u1a said:

Sorry I caused trouble guys. I never in all my years have done anything I felt was an attempt at drawing attention to myself. I didn't ever try to use this place as a spot to show of my writing to get other jobs, I haven't been mean to folks, I've tried to offer insight on the players like Turbin, Wagner, and McQuistan who have come out of the intermountain region. I just tried to be a good board member and treat others with respect (and some playful fake arguing back and forth).

This post was put up for 3 reasons.

1- As an apology to my family so they'd see I was serious.

2- As a warning to others about what can happen if you let this stuff consume you.

3- Just as a confession to you all that I felt badly about what I had done and hope none of you ever do the same, because you can't take stuff like that back.

If that makes me an "attention whore" then so be it. I've not done anything like this before. I am filled with remorse, and I need to let my son specifically know that I'm his fan way more than any football team. He needs that. I need that. I hoped that if anybody could take something positive away from that, then it was worth baring my soul and my real name and just putting it out there. Anonymity... gone. My "dirty little secret"? Gone. My need to watch a team that causes friction and now some really scary reaction that I had little control over? Has to stop. That's all.

As I said... I have many great friends here and hope to keep it that way. I just can't watch Seahawks games anymore. They make me something I never wanted to be. No alcohol involved. Just my inability to cope, and I think it's because I've fallen off the rails in my life in all that I've lost and messed up on. This is just another step and something I've got to make right. I don't feel I was seeking attention when I congratulated all of you on what you have done, in fact I felt guilty that I couldn't be the guy many of you are, and at my age, it's just childish that I can't be.

Do you really, honestly think that I'd want to draw attention to my complete lack of maturity, my family falling apart, and my need to stop this obsession with a team? It's embarrassing. I did it as a warning to others to not make the mistakes I did. I wouldn't shell out my personal info and stuff if I were looking for attention. I'd go write an article for Bleacher Report or Yahoo Sports. Those are things I've never done. I've stayed here. I've done my best to be a helpful member, and I've met many good friends along the way. This message was for them. I don't want them harming their relationships with their family... especially the young guys I've met here that are still not married or don't have kids. I don't want them falling into this trap I have where the results create the environment in a home. It's not worth it.

Keep your attention. I don't want it. If it's better.... delete all of my posts, ban me, delete my account. I'm fine with that. I don't want to create issues here. This place is too good with too many truly great guys. I care about them all, and don't want them to turn out like me. I've tried so hard for two years to regain who I am and resume my life.

I was told as things continued to spiral down worse that "God will never give you more than you can handle." Well... I disagree. He has. I've snapped. I have gone over the edge in many many ways. Football was a place for me to find some happiness, but only when the Hawks one. I let the results that didn't go in our favor drag me into a darker place. Now I haven't been able to heal, haven't been able to get a teaching job which I feel I desperately need, and I haven't been able to support my family. Things are falling apart. I guess that makes me a whore in some eyes. I hope in others, it simply makes me a cautionary tale. That's all. Simple as that. Don't fall into the trap Jon did. Your families and loved ones deserve better.

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I don't think it makes you an attention whore. I do think it's an indication that, as others have said, you may want to seek out counseling to help you deal with all the things you're going through in your life.

Sometimes, our children teach us...

Right before when we failed to score anything and time expired, I simply yelled "DAMN!"

My 5yr old son responded, "Dad remembah, it's just a game and all that matters is you have fun. We'll get em next time."

We really enjoyed the 2nd half together and almost got to hold on to that amazing comeback. Oh we'll, the future's bright for both the Seahawks and my son.

All the best to all 12s... Be proud.

Damn Shark... That's rough.

I've really blown up in front of my boy only once and I swear to god i'll never do it again. There is nothing in the world worse than the look on the face of a two year old little boy in Spiderman PJ's who thinks you're his hero when he is absolutely terrified of you. That look will haunt me forever. I absolutely feel your pain my brother. But as others have said, kids are resilient and as long as you love him (and this isnt a recurring thing) yours will bounce back just like mine did.

I don't know Jon, but i know Sharkhawk is a good dude with a good soul. I hope you can slay whatever demons are screwing with you and get back on top of things. As someone else said, if they win you don't get paid and if they lose you don't get fired. It's just for funzies, and if it isn't fun for you anymore it's okay for you to hang it up for a while while you sort out the rest of your life. Hope to see you back here again putting up your inappropriately long posts and dropping mad knowledge about the wac.

Good luck my brutha....

Eric

At this rate I'll be dead in about 30 minutes. Stupid blood pressure won't go down. Well, it was a fun ride. 35+ years invested and all I get is a wife who hates me and kids who are scared of me and a bunch of stupid navy and royal blue clothing. Not worth it.

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Shark,

First of all I respect you for your post. Good luck with your decision whatever it may be. You seem like a really genuine person.

However, IMO you are not looking at this situation correctly. We are all bummed out over this loss. Very few of us lashed out physically. This is not a knock on you at all, I am just saying - as others have suggested, that football is the symptom not the diagnosis.

I want to confess something to you. I know it is selfish, but it illustrates why football means so much to me. I didn't want the Seahawks to win the superbowl this year. (I did want them to get farther, though). Or next year. Or the year after that. My son is 3. Doesn't care a lick about football. But one day, he probably will, because his daddy does. And he will watch games with me. And we will go to games. I would like nothing more than my son to share my love for football and Seahawks and have that become something that binds us together as father and son. I want us to get that first Lombardi when he is old enough to understand what it means and have it be something we share together.

So I'm sorry if I don't like your comment about the scraps of navy blue clothing. Just like our countries flag is greater than the material that it is composed of, the seahawks logo and the 12th man flag mean more than a silly native american-esque bird-totem-head and a damn number. It might mean something different for all of us. For me it a connection to the place I grew up but can no longer live in. More importantly, it is a hope for a lifelong bond with my son. Something me and my own father didn't really have.

Aside from the obvious monkey of having never one the big one once, its really more about the ride. You say you haven't gotten anything out of your fandom in so many years, but what I am suggesting to you is you can cultivate your love of football into something very positive for your kids. There will be losses, and if your kids get into the game they will feel the pain too. This is a chance for a valuable life lesson. They will deal with all kinds of adversity in life, why not set an example for them on how to do so?

Football is not just a game. It actually is more than that for us, and thats OK. It is a sub-narrative for our lives for those of us that are intertwined with it. It shouldn't be the center of our lives, but being a prominent aspect of it is fine. I agree if you were that angry you need to take a step back, but consider finding a sensible place in your life for the Seahawks.

This poster has been banned courtesy of JSeahawks for being a disgrace of a human being and a typical 49er asshat.

^ Andddddddd the hammer falls.

Not trying to sound like an un-empathetic prick but, you need to watch the episode of South Park where Stan's dad decides he's an alcoholic after he gets a dui. Now the point I'm trying to make is that you let your emotions get the best of you. Like alcoholism, anger can be controlled by your actions. All you need is discipline, or as Stan says ( disaprin). At no point are the Seahawks to blame, just you. You flew off the handle and need to use that as a learning point and a step. A step to become a better stronger person.

One more point to drive this home is that my uncle was an alcoholic about twenty years ago...since he punched holes in walls when life didn't go his way and Johnny walker helped him, he would punch weak drywall like a big tough guy in front of his kids. Now he refuses to have a single beer, because he fears what will become of him.

Sorry for the long post about a situation I have zero experience in, but if you take nothing from this please understand...

-you are in complete control of your actions...be strong, don't be a slave to your emotions
-have discipline when life isnt going exactly how you want it to, "there's a king in every crowd", learn something from one of your favorite players
-be strong
- you can't turn your passion for the hawks off, you can turn off flying off the handle in front of kids who think the day begins and ends with you.

Just my opinion...go hawks

I had a ridiculous meltdown after a college football game once. Fortunately I was only with my brothers and not my kids. I took a break from going to games for a whole season and if the games were getting to be too much on TV, I shut it off. I still enjoy football and love getting fired up when my teams do good, but I've learned to roll with the losses. You have to remind yourselves that it's supposed to be fun and it's entertainment. There's always another game and another season.

Very long walks have always been my therapy Jon,(10 miles game day :roll: ) just know we love you man. Do what you need to do, then come back, you know this place is good for what ails you.

Take care bro and give your kids a big .net hug :!:

SharkHawk":1ulaz90w said:

I think seriously I have to be done. I did something I am so horribly ashamed of after the game and I don't know that I can in good conscience watch another game EVER. I feel awful. Just awful.

I snapped at my kids and then threw the remote and it shattered against the wall and scared my kids. They both started crying. It's time for me to walk away. Everybody is really upset here. I think this is corny, but I also think it has to be my farewell. Sorry for putting it in the main forum, but it is most definitely Seahawks related, and I am sure many other fans are having a hard time coming to terms.

Let what I did be a lesson. I'm lucky no pieces hit my children. But I can't put them through that anymore. I love them with all my heart. More than the Seahawks. I've given the Seahawks 36 years of my life to get it done. They've come close. But I can't leave my family without a father due to a heart attack, and I can't ever EVER harm my children by my words or actions. They deserve a better father, and unfortunately the Seahawks don't bring that out of me. Please don't label me a quitter or a whiner or a baby. Understand that my life has been destroyed in the last two years financially, career-wise, emotionally, and physically. This is the proverbial straw I guess. I just can't do this anymore.

Please.... don't let this game get you like it did me. It was too much, so I step away and hope for a better future for the Hawks for all of YOUR sake. You guys deserve it. You put your butts in the seats and scream until your hoarse for this team. You 12's make me proud. I really have made some incredible friendships here, and hope to continue those, but after what I did today, I can NOT be involved in sports-fandom ever again. Now it's time to pick up the pieces so to speak and try to fix what I've done to my kids in scaring them senseless. No kid should ever have to be afraid of a game result because of how their Dad might handle it. My kids are awesome and they deserve better than the piece of crap I was today. Guilt overwhelms me. I am afraid for myself right now. I am sad for my kids. But I respect all of you and how you keep it together and find a balance where I never could.

Rock on 12's.

Jon Mohlman (the man behind the shark mask)

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I'm really not trying to sound like a dick but honestly, you need to find peace. Get a healthy hobby. Start exercising and eating better, maybe. Simple life stuff like that which will keep you busy. The way you reacted to this loss is incredibly frightening and a SERIOUS issue.

If you smoke weed or have a high caffeine intake, I would consider breaking those habits as both can increase anxiety big time. Joke around with it with your kids and laugh it off. You've got to if you want to live a healthier life. It's bad enough when this stuff happens over break ups and divorces, but sports? Insane. You're putting yourself in a position in which you're letting something you can't control, control you.

Winning in this league is so freaking difficult, people underestimate it. Sometimes the dice just doesn't roll your way. But being in the playoffs and making a run proves it's possible for that team to win it all, obviously. The separation between the Seahawks and whoever holds the Lombardi at the end is very thin. Look how great New England is... yet they haven't won since 2004. There's 32 teams in this league working their asses off to be world champions. We all should be so proud of this team. You can't let shit like this get to you. It's just for entertainment when it comes down to it.

Clear your mind for a bit and you'll be back to watch my man, Dangeruss, be our next franchise QB for the next decade. The world knows about Russell Wilson and the Seahawks. This season ended with one of the greatest rookie stories the game has ever seen. Pair that up with a decade full of other shots at the title starting next September. Feels good.

PS - If RW was on a big market East coast team (like the Jets, for example), he would be considered the second coming of Christ. Look what Jeremy Lin caused. We have our guy.

You'll be back next season. Especially when the Seahawks are tearing up the league. This season was the start of a winning franchise. Russell Wilson is going to take this team to great heights. Just wait till Pete and John build even more talented players around him. Put five guys in front of Russ with equal or greater talent than Unger and you have a Superbowl caliber team.

Marshawn Lynch is in his prime. We'll have another 2 or 3 quality seasons out of him, until his body can't take the punishment anymore.

The only thing that can slow this team down are injuries.

You should decide for yourself. The kids crying. That's not a good scene. It's interesting though. I'm reading a lot of posts about people suggesting anger management and so forth. I find it hard to believe that people could react so calmly to that game. I get pissed off every game. Yesterday I let out a couple of F bombs in front of my daughter. The second one when Gonzalez caught the pass in field goal range. She corrected me the second time and suggested I say fudge sticks instead. I apologized. My wife gave me a look. Well, I usually watch the games alone. When I did watch them with other fans at a sports bar, I saw tempers a lot worse than mine and I expected it. I do think that post above was a good idea to take a long walk on game days. I take at least a half hour jog before all the games. It helps me chill out. Who's kiddin' who, it's a very emotional game. They really took us for a roller coaster ride this season. What can I say, I love it.

common, now, we arent 15 any more. it's just a football game.

if you want to get some perspective, travel to some 3rd world country and see how people live there, in extreme poverty and on the verge of death from hunger.

being so upset and snapping at your family over a stupid sports game is just plain silly in the grand scheme of things.

capncrunch":379eknuj said:

You should decide for yourself. The kids crying. That's not a good scene. It's interesting though. I'm reading a lot of posts about people suggesting anger management and so forth. I find it hard to believe that people could react so calmly to that game. I get pissed off every game. Yesterday I let out a couple of F bombs in front of my daughter. The second one when Gonzalez caught the pass in field goal range. She corrected me the second time and suggested I say fudge sticks instead. I apologized. My wife gave me a look. Well, I usually watch the games alone. When I did watch them with other fans at a sports bar, I saw tempers a lot worse than mine and I expected it. I do think that post above was a good idea to take a long walk on game days. I take at least a half hour jog before all the games. It helps me chill out. Who's kiddin' who, it's a very emotional game. They really took us for a roller coaster ride this season. What can I say, I love it.

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The state of singularity does have it's benefits, but not everybody can handle it :180670:

A few thoughts

If you want to keep watching football then change the following

1) Stop being on the forum (sorry mods) but obsessing all week over things builds it up more

2) Watch the hawks less. Every week go through the college and pro games that will be on tv number them 1 through 6 of what you would want to watch and the times wouldn't interfere with family. Roll the dice and then watch that one game. Random teams simply for enjoying football

3) Include a seahawk game in the above and set a rule. Any time you jump up and scream game over for you - cheering is ok just don't overdo it

I used to get the punch in the stomach feeling. I still do a lot of the highs like when we scored the final TD but I didn't have the big down when ATL won the game. I guess I have started to expect those things and more importantly the game isn't as important to me now with kids....

Thanks for the great advice all....

Let me clarify a few things:

1- Whoever said I was truly angry about my teaching career... you're right. That is probably where the anger stems from. I had a new teaching job lined up. It fell through on Christmas Eve. It's been ripping at me since.

2- Not that it means much... but I am a Mormon, and have never drank, smoked, used drugs, nor, as somebody who has worked with kids for the majority of his adult life do I have a foul mouth. I drop a few swear words on here for comedy's sake and shock value. I don't speak that way.

3- I have never hit my children, wife, a family member, etc.

4- I was an athlete, and a good one at that and never got in a fight in a game, and was a supreme "anger channeler" by turning "anger" into focus. It was a wonderful thing, and made me a better player than most opponents, because I never lost it... I just locked in and was a winner. Losing wasn't something I really knew. I think I said it in another post. The only losing team I ever played on was my first tee ball team.

5- About 6 years ago (at age 33) I woke up at 2 AM and thought I was having a heart attack. I ended up in the ER and found out I had blown out multiple discs in my neck playing softball. Within 2 weeks I had also lost the feeling in my left leg, and had been diagnosed with 3 more blown discs and 2 cysts on my spinal cord, along with 2 broken vertebrae in my lumbar spine. Three years prior to that I was "karate kicked" in the leg and it was broken quite viciously by an opponent in a softball game. I had 3 full rebuilds done on my lower leg/ankle and the doctor severed a nerve and also had to remove a ligament, multiple bone spurs, and 2 sizable chunks of my fibula. I recovered from that enough (even with a constant burn in my foot from the severed nerve) in order to continue my softball "addiction".

6- My cervical fusion went well, and I was still able to play. My lumbar fusion went poorly. I have since had the hardware (6 bolts, 2 cages with spacers/2 titanium rods) removed. The pain still remains. I have had the nerves "burned off" six times and have had over 100 injections into the area to try to keep me going. Then my Dad died. He just up and died one day. I never got over it I think. I tried. I did everything you're supposed to. I always thought he'd "watch out" for us, but seemingly everything has gone to crap since he died, and I've been trying to hold it together for my family and my siblings, nieces/nephews, mom, etc. since it happened and since I can't manage me, then I feel like I am failing them. My Dad randomly asked me 2 weeks before he died to do certain things. It seemed really out of sorts. But made sense when he died of a pulmonary embolism for no damned reason.

7- I have to walk with a cane now thanks to the stupid surgeries. This does infuriate me. I can't sleep due to the pain and I can't even get disability. This has all been covered in the lounge.

8- Finally... I got very sick on my birthday (in July). My weight has since varied by as much as 20 pounds in a week and I've had multiple infections, sold a house, moved in with my mom and crammed my family into 2 tiny bedrooms in her basement while we build a house. My blood pressure has been running in the 180/120 range and the doctors seem to blow it off, and then I had my gallbladder out right before Christmas. I've gotten sicker and sicker since the surgery. I am now at the point where the only "food" I can manage is gatorade, and 2 gingersnap cookies a day (yes, sounds funny, but is true). So six months later, I'm no better than before, and I can't even eat or sleep. It doesn't help.

9- I will seek out counseling. I was in counseling due to my inability to manage my pain. It didn't seem to help. But yeah... it would probably help a great deal. My problem isn't with the Seahawks. It is with my life and how crummy it has been. I had a great life. I was well known in the community, highly respected, looked-up to by a lot of folks, was in the newspaper a lot for all of the stuff I did for the community, served on committees, was a local leader. Now I'm a POS it seems as those same people I worked with daily don't even return emails, phone calls, or when I stop by to see them are too busy to talk. I leave notes, and they don't even respond to those. Now I can't even function right. I can't even have a slice of pizza and watch a game. I get my 3 blue gatorades and 2 ginger snaps per day. It's teeeee-riffic.

10- Sorry 8 wasn't finally... but this is. You people are some of the finest folks I've ever known. I bare my soul, and I get 90% of you telling me how it's ok, how you've been there, and giving me great ideas on how to get "back on track". You've all been more helpful to me in one 24 hour period than even my doctors have been in the last 6 years. You just listened, and you just gave me some very good strategies and made me realize I am not alone. I want the Seahawks to win for you guys. You deserve it. You're great people, and I'm glad we have the Hawks in common. It has helped me meet many of the kindest people I'll ever know. Thank you all. For those who think it's funny and want to make jokes, then I am happy I could provide you with a laugh. I was always the class clown, but in this case I'm not joking. I'm struggling. And being bedridden for a while makes it so that the people you interact with aren't a very wide circle. This is my "circle of friends" and so I came to you. It's not the Seahawks. It's me. You're right. I'm failing at life, and don't know how to get back on track. Social Security and Liberty Mutual both turned their back on me, and now I'm afraid the house we're building will be a "no-go" as we won't qualify because I will be terminated from my current job if I don't return in about 7 days. No way I can return. This sucks. I decided to hang my hat on the Hawks. It was my source of happiness. Bad idea I know, but it was the ONE thing that was going right in my life. It gave me hope. Hell, if the Hawks could win a Superbowl, maybe I'd wake up one day and this nightmare would be over. I put my eggs in one basket. Bad idea. No balance. My mistake. You folks are right, and I love you all for it.

-Jon

Peace, my brother.