This thread is a perfect example of how healing it can be when we open up and share not only in the joys, but the lows and heartaches and faults as well. I come from a family that is very loving and supportive, but lacking in communication - especially regarding the tough stuff. My younger brother and sister both graduated from Penn State in the past 8 years and we still haven't talked about any of that scandal, just for one example.
So what I take away from this is that the open honesty and unabashed emotion has begun the healing, at least for this specific incident. Kudos, Jon, for realizing that your family comes first. Some people don't get that message until things get much worse. With hope, peace, and faith, perhaps later you'll be able to reflect on this moment as the lowest point and see that through open and honest communication, things started getting better.
Nobody knows what is best more than you and the people you choose to allow to help. Just know that there are a lot of us here who appreciate your thoughts, words, and how you share your experiences. It's very selfish of me, but I hope you don't entirely give up your fandom. Some of your stories have moved me to tears for their connections between sports and humanity and I respect your perspective on things. It's okay that you lost that perspective for a moment, because you caught yourself before you fell any further. You have a lot to offer, you are powerful, and your family is lucky that you will be focusing your energy on them for the foreseeable future.
My only attempt at advice feels weak, but I'll share in the odd chance that it might help. I don't know if it's an option for you, but substitute teaching, while not ideal and not very lucrative, might allow you the flexibility to do what you love to do on your own time. I've been a sub for 5+ years while trying to find the right fit in a permanent gig. I'm at the point that I don't know if I'll ever have my own classroom, but I can still convey my love of learning and continue to form important educational relationships when I'm called upon.
Do what you need to do. And know that many of us 12's will be here if and when you need us.