20 Reasons why the Cards will win via one of their fans

[Scottemojo]

That has to be a Seahawks fan.

 

[Spiderdan]

Was this written by the twin brother of that 6 year old 49ers fan?

 

[OrFan]

What is funny about that post is that the authors of those statements are owning up to them, some trying to defend their statements.

The poster compiled 20 completely ridiculous statements, posted them to show just how unrealistic people were being, and they are bragging, "hey, that one is mine!"

 

[KK84]

I don't understand how a piece like this, absolutely dripping with sarcasm, has gone straight over the heads of so many fans, seahawks and cards both. I mean, c'mon man.

 

[plyka]

Found this little Jewel while browsing the enemy forum. http://forums.azcardinals.com/showthrea ... e-Seahawks


Twenty Reasons Why The Cardinals are Destined to Wallop the Seahawks. . . . .
This discussion forum is invaluable for the in-depth discussion of the NFL in general and the Arizona Cardinals in particular. Since I always try to edify myself on important matters, here's what I've learned this last week or so; twenty reasons why Arizona is destined to wallop them Seahawks on Sunday. . .


1. The Seahawk fans talk way too much about themselves and don't respect how great a team the Cardinals have become.

2. Bruce Arians is about the best NFL coach that ever was. He was NFL coach of the year last year and should be again, and could very well be the NFL coach of the year every year for the next ten years.

3. Pete Carroll is about the worse NFL coach that ever was. Just look how badly he sucked when he coached the Jets and the Patriots back in the 90's!! He even sucked as a college coach -- look how Jim Harbaugh schooled him while he was at Stanford.

4. And Carroll's players don't like him either. . . he even did stuff like setup a basketball goal in the Jet's parking lot twenty years ago to play three on three basketball.

5. Besides that, Pete Carroll is a horrible cheat, and everybody knows that cheaters never win.

6. The Seahawks offensive line is fragile and subject to injuries. Three of the five positions now have different starters now as opposed to the first time they played. The Cardinals offensive line, on the other hand, has been rock steady with the only change coming about as a result of a trade.

7. Russell Wilson is too small to make it as a NFL quarterback. . . that's why nobody bothered to draft him until the third round. He hasn't grown any since he got to the NFL and never will be tall like former all-Pro Cardinal quarterback Derek Andersen.

8. Russell Wilson struggles whenever he plays against the Cardinals with their smash mouth defense. Just consider; against the Cardinals he had the lowest qb rating he ever had -- 62.5 for one game, and his overall quarterback rating against the Cardinals is only 89.5, which is a 13 points below his career average of 102.4.

9. Likewise, Wilson is averaging less than 170 yards a game passing against the Cards and their smash mouth defense -- far beneath his season average of 220 yards a game.

10. A whole bunch of them Seahawks use drugs. Hardly any Cards use drugs.

11. The Seahawks "12th man" is really just a bunch of women, and there ain't no way that the Cards will be bothered in the least by all the screaming they do in Seattle. After all, the Cardinals are consummate professionals.

12. The Cardinals are taking inspiration from Tyrone Mathieu, and have vowed to "win one for the Honey Badger". . . . . . .

13. Everybody knows that the reason the 49er's were so improved two years ago in Harbaugh's first year was because of the turnover ratio, and everybody also knows that getting turnovers is almost completely a matter of luck. This year the Seahawks lead the league in turnover margin -- and again, that's completely a result of the ball just bouncing the right way for them. They are long overdue to lose some turnovers, so don't be surprised if they lose 16 turnovers or so on Sunday, which would even them up for the year. . . . . .

14. Arizona has a much, much better run defense than the Seahawks. . . . in fact, the Cardinals are best in the league, giving up only 83.2 yards a game! The Seahawks, on the other hand, give up well over a hundred yards a game. In the first game at UOP the Cardinals were able to hold Seattle to over five yards less than their normal rushing average.

15. Carson Palmer has the Seahawks number; in the first game, he threw for over 30 yards more than the Seahawks normally allow per game. Don't be surprised if he does that again, and more. . . . . maybe even forty or fifty yards more than what the Seahawks normally give up!

16. Russell Wilson fears the Cardinals smash mouth defense and especially the Cardinals blitz. That's why he said he hoped the Cardinals would blitz . . . .he was a communications major in graduate school and is trying to use some of that "reverse psychology" stuff on Arizona. But Arians and Bowles are way too smart to fall for those Seahawk mind tricks. . . . .

17. Even if Fitz doesn't get to play because of concussion issues, he will prove to be an incredible inspiration on the sideline for the Cardinals. The Seahawks don't have anyone to rally around like that.

18. The Cardinals remember how Cheatin' Pete ran up the score on them last year, and how the Seahawks refused to take a knee when they were up 31-0 in the first half but continued to make touchdowns. They remember how the Cardinals defense continued to intercept John Skelton instead of just knocking down his passes. They remember Cheatin' Pete even played some of his first string players in the second half. It's revenge time, baby!!

19. Two letters and one number. . . . .PP21. In his rookie year he showed that he was good for four punt returns for TD per year. He hasn't had any since then, which means he's due for about seven or eight to get him back to his proper yearly average -- and he could very get all of them in the game Sunday against the Seahawks!!

20. The Seahawks are in a panic because they know that their window of opportunity for having a championship team is rapidly closing on them, and that soon all their best players are going to want $100 million contracts which the Seahawks won't be able to give them, and so they will all leave! The Cardinals, on the other hand, are to a man dedicated to the team concept and all are willing to play for $1 million - $2 million a year on one year contracts. So the Cardinals are confident of the future, and the Seahawks are in a panic. This can't help but be reflected on the field. . . .

As the old saying goes...why 20? You only need 1...if it's true.

Actually that's not an old saying, I just made it up.

 

[Kixkahn]

I sure hope this person is being sarcastic, otherwise I see disaster coming from this.

 

[-The Glove-]

I don't understand how a piece like this, absolutely dripping with sarcasm, has gone straight over the heads of so many fans, seahawks and cards both. I mean, c'mon man.

Some take the interwebz too seriously

 

[Shock2k]

Hilarious. Really well done.

 

[RedAlice]

I don't understand how a piece like this, absolutely dripping with sarcasm, has gone straight over the heads of so many fans, seahawks and cards both. I mean, c'mon man.

I don't know why either - but, is funny that it did.

Love this!

He simultaneously makes fun of his own fanbase and yours, and then the not-so-aware fans from both teams take him serious and post even funnier responses.

Maybe we need some Cards fans to venture off their own board.

 

[loafoftatupu]

What I think is funny is that a lot of it is stuff that Niner fans actually said without sarcasm.

 

[CANHawk]

What I think is funny is that a lot of it is stuff that Niner fans actually said without sarcasm.

Like all the blab about harbaugh being the greatest coach in history despite never really accomplishing shit all?

 

[The Radish]

I have to admit to being a bit worried about this myself.


. "Russell Wilson is too small to make it as a NFL quarterback. . . that's why nobody bothered to draft him until the third round. He hasn't grown any since he got to the NFL and never will be tall like former all-Pro Cardinal quarterback Derek Andersen"


It reall is worrisome that he hasn't grown any taller.

:les:

 

[minormillikin]

...soon all their best players are going to want $100 million contracts which the Seahawks won't be able to give them, and so they will all leave!

This is actually a recurring nightmare of mine.

 

[Scottemojo]

...soon all their best players are going to want $100 million contracts which the Seahawks won't be able to give them, and so they will all leave!

This is actually a recurring nightmare of mine.

Don't worry, sweetpea. They have ways of getting more players. Or so I have heard.

 

[Hawkscanner]

Well, I've learned throughout the years there's simply no talking people out of their delusions -- only cold harsh reality can do that.

John Gambadoro of 620 KTAR in Phoenix has no such delusions. He says emphatically that the Cardinals have absolutely NO chance of beating the Seahawks tomorrow.

Listen for yourself. Enjoy!
http://mynorthwest.com/category/pod_player_sports/?a=9965377&p=1007&n=Brock and Danny

 

[Green13]

Very funny! I totally LOLed. :th2thumbs:

 

[Seahawkfan80]

I have to admit to being a bit worried about this myself.


. "Russell Wilson is too small to make it as a NFL quarterback. . . that's why nobody bothered to draft him until the third round. He hasn't grown any since he got to the NFL and never will be tall like former all-Pro Cardinal quarterback Derek Andersen"


It reall is worrisome that he hasn't grown any taller.

:les:

Has thems elevator shoes came in yet? I was told they can increase ya hight by about 3 inches. Of course I got my pair from the Radar O'reilly shoe sales. I think that the Married Wif Children dude sold my buddy a pair. LOL :sarcasm_off:
:les: :thirishdrinkers: :les: :thirishdrinkers: :les:

 

[PryorFamily]

Beautiful. Sarcasm is the humor of the intelligent.

This x100. Here are two pieces of advice.

1) If you read those 20 points and didn't get that it was a sarcastic post by about #3 you should google "sarcasm".

2) If you read the posts and went numb with anger. Or you you got immediately pissed off, feeling the heat of your Hawk Rage surging through your cheeks while your fists clinched so hard you couldn't type........and you immediately clutched your RW rookie card tight to your chest and vowed revenge for this insulting rant against your team........ you need meds.

Sarcasm is great! Learn it. Use it. Enjoy it. And go Niners!!!!!!!

See............... it's easy!

 

[Crizilla]

The cards fan who wrote this has a huge man crush on Russell Wilson. I know this because every one does. He wishes Russ played for the cardinals so bad

 

[BleedGreenNblue]

After I read #7 I'd had enough comic relief