I'm going to come at this from a completely different angle here. What Michael Bennett demonstrated for the guys at NFL network is that CLEARLY many guys just flat out CANNOT get over that Super Bowl Loss. And I believe firmly that what they are doing by continually re-hashing it in their minds ... is just flat out not helpful. In fact, it's actually cancerous. Let me explain where I'm coming from.
You see guys I have a bit of a unique perspective here. I'm a mental health therapist by trade. In my private practice, I get people who are dealing with a whole lot of different problems. I see a TON of grief, loss, and trauma come through my door each and every day. I have lots of people who wrestle with grief, with disappointment; many of whom have experienced horrific events in their past that they seriously struggle to get over with. Those traumatic events become stumbling blocks that they find themselves perpetually tripping over -- again, and again, and again -- and they become overwhelming, robbing them of experiencing true joy and happiness in life. My years of counseling has taught me quite a lot about what works ... and what doesn't work ... when it comes to dealing with disappointment in life. I'll give you guys a real life illustration (and you'll pardon me for being fairly general, as I can't provide a ton of details due to privacy laws).
Years ago, I had a client who came to me who was extremely suicidal (dangerously so), struggling with severe depression. I was probably the 10th therapist that they had had over the course of their lifetime. During our first session, almost immediately they wanted to get into all of their abuse history (which was pretty horrific) ... and as the tears began to profusely flow ... it was a real revelation for me, as I figured out in that moment what was happening. In re-telling those stories again and again ... they were re-traumatizing themself again, and again, and again ... which kept fueling their feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, worthlessness, and so on. It flat out wasn't helpful.
So, I stopped them at that point and changed direction 180 degrees. Instead of focusing on all of that "yuck" and all of the things that were wrong ... I started focusing them on all of the things that were right. We started focusing on all of the positives and all of the "blessings" in life that they had. In the process, they realized that the past trauma that they were focusing most of their energy on accounted for less than 1% of their lifetime experiences ... and that they were ignoring the 99% of stuff that was very good in life. You know what ended up happening? Over time, they got better -- significantly so. Those feelings of suicide diminished and they became far more stable, as they learned to focus on the good things in life (rather than the bad).
I've learned over time that Focus is an amazingly powerful thing. Very often times if all we choose to focus on is all of the negative junk in our lives ... it's incredible that that's eventually all we tend to see. We may look at a beautiful painting ... focus on the 1 minor, itty bitty flaw in it ... and over time, that's all our eyes see. We can tend to miss the fact that there is a freaking gorgeous work of art because we're focused on that 1 flaw.
Now, I'm all for processing through traumatic events and helping people get through them. I do it ALL the time. I help them process through those things, help them figure out all of the reasons why they happened, how they chose to respond to those events, evaluate how effective (or ineffective) their responses were, and so on. To put it extremely simply, when things happen, the basic process I go through all the time looks like:
What happened?
Why did it happen?
What did you learn from this?
How can you respond differently in the future? (What are some possible healthy responses?)
BUT, let me tell you ... there comes a point in time when you just flat out need to stop processing through the old junk. If you don't ... if you cannot let go of the past (for whatever reason) ... it can literally drive you insane. I can tell you that's true, as I've had many many clients who remain "stuck" over things that happened 20 years ago ... 30 years ago ... etc. that have basically driven them mad.
Bitterness eventually ensues AND -- they end up dragging themselves ... and can drag OTHERS around them down in the process. That's exactly what I see Michael Bennett, Richard Sherman, and I daresay other veteran Seahawk players doing. That's why I'd say that in the end, if they cannot move on (for whatever reason) ... then I will say that perhaps it's time to go.
If I had Bennett, Sherman, and some of those vets (who are still smarting) here today, that's what I'd tell them. I'd probably point them to one of my favorite therapists -- Rafiki (who illustrates this point beautifully here) ...
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